Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Tootie's Journal


I recommend you read The Blair Warner Project first, then Tootie's Journal.
Direct quotes from Heather's Journal are in
purple. (how it all blends seamlessly is spooky in itself.)
Tootie's Journal


PAGE 1 Hey, that's a mean looking witch! Yee haw! Let's shoot'er!


Day One The ride with Willie was fun. He explained the origin of the "wet willie", it wasn't what I thought. Natalie brought the tent but she forgot the flashlights, Jo seems to only have beer in her backpack. I was in charge of the food, I hope we're not supposed to be out here for too long...It's really hard to roller skate in the woods...why didn't mom make me go to girl scouts?
Day One, 2 hours later-The food is gone! Jo, Natalie and I had a huge fight over who would keep watch tonight. Since Nat forgot the flashlights I think she should do it, but she's freaked out because we started hearing this demented singing...it sounds so familiar...
Day One, 4 hours later - We decided we should try to find our way out of the woods. We can see the top of Eastland's towers but despite our efforts to reach our school we find ourselves in the same place! I told Jo she sucked at reading the map. Natalie screamed at me to take off my skates said I was slowing them down, what a bitch!
 Day One, 5 hours later - I forgot to mention that we found some peeps hanging on a wire, they were so cute I just had to take them all. Jo reacted quite violently at the peeps, I think her exact words were "Keep those freakish neon things away from me!" I think she's losing it! Natalie and I may jump her for the map later.
Day One, 6 hours later - Night has fallen, Nat's outside keeping watch, I think she's asleep, how can she sleep when we're lost? We have got to be about 2 miles from the school, this is crazy, I think I'm going crazy...I'm starving, I need a peep! It's getting late, I need to sleep goodnight, now again, for real. I mean it, really, going to lie down now. No shit. I am. No, really. I am freaking out a little.
Car tomorrow.
Must.
Will.
 DAY TWO (we are still deciphering Tootie's scrawl...pink and yellow gooey stains all over the pages are making it difficult...). Here are the remainder of the pages. the journal ends abruptly as Tootie looses touch with reality, we can only imagine the horror she was experiencing.
Day Two, 10 AM - Nat's gone, I'm hoping she went for help but Jo thinks she was taken! We found piles of buff puffs surrounding our tent! That is so creepy, who would have done that but Blair? She was always big on exfoliation.
Day Two, 10:30 AM - We finished the last of the peep's, my spirits are high but I think it's the sugar, I know for sure we'll reach Eastland today!
Day Two, 11AM - We've been hiking for a half an hour! A half an hour and we ended up in the same place!! Jo lost the freaking map sometime between breakfast and now but she said she could find the way...but did she? Nooooo!! We were looking at the compass the whole time, the whole half hour we were hiking SOUTH, we BOTH saw it, we both ended up here...again. I would give anything to see Eastland again, oh Willie can you hear me? We're in troublllllle!
Day Two, 12 PM - I am so hungry if I were a pizza I would be topped with black olives, onions, pepperoni, mushrooms, and extra cheese. I can hear Blair singing again and I finally have recognized the song...our theme song...I used to like that song...I used to like Blair...oh Mrs. Garrett I am so sorry, I'm sorry because if it weren't for me Nat wouldn't be lost, Jo wouldn't be cursing me under her breath, and I wouldn't be writing this...
Day Two, 1 PM - I think I'm going nuts because every time I look at Jo she looks like a pork chop.
Day Two, 2 PM - I decided to take a nap, to save my strength for whatever happens tonight, and do you know what happened? I woke up to find Jo gnawing on my arm! I guess I look like a pork chop too! I whacked her with one of my roller skates...she should regain consciousness soon. Oh my god! I just heard Natalie screaming!! I couldn't really make it out, oh crap there it is again, she's screaming, she's SCREAMING FOR SCOTT BAIO!!
Last Entry - Too tired to write anymore, the singing has gotten louder and louder, every where you look-buff puffs! It's maddening. Jo is gone too, she left me the compass but I can't get it to work! I know I'm close to my end and will never see my dreams of moving to New York, rooming with Queen Latifa, owning dozens of gorgeous wigs and working on a soap opera called Palo Alto come true, but I have to live with that now. Armed with my roller skates, and peep stains on my fingers I will face what lies ahead...please no more Alan Thicke lyrics, or Molly Ringwald encounters, all I want to do laugh. Laugh, laughter, laughing...
End of journal entries.
The journal was found by the Eastland PeeWee Explorers club who were out on a one mile hike. Along with the journal, remnants of the tent, numerous buff puffs, and scrolled on a nearby tree: Nat heart Scott.
Reports state that Scott Baio has been picked up for questioning...

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